Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
