I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize