Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
