I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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