Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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