i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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