I just threw up on my dentist
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
