i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
