I just saw a hot homeless man
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
