I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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