Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
