Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
