I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm sobbing to NWA
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize