He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
