I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
