Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
