Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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