a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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