so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
