fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
