All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
