he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
