I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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