I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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