Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
