2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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