hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
