I can tuck mytits in my pants
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
