Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
