but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize