how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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