make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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