tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
