he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
