we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
