You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
