I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
