Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
