i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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