my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
