So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
