Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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