I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
