3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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