the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
