I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
someone owes me an orgasm
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
