dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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