remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
