My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
