My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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