i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
