Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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