I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
God, I missed his penis.
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