How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
