does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
