My room smells like vodka and shame
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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