I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
