i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize