we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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