dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
