How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
