I think I am morally bankrupt
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize