capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
