I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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