Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
