We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
