if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
