If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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