guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
