Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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