I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We got so high we made milksteak
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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