Say something about gay babies.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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