I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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