We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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