from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
