Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Randomize
