do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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