I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
