where does the pee come out of this thing
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
