I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
