i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
