We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
