evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
