woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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