and you said cock pushups were impossible
Quick, to the slutcave!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
