wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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