The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
