Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
