Umm I'm too high to move.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
