stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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